Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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