Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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