No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
