I got chris browned last night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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