She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
