Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
