Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
