on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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