This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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