I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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