the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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