Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
