She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
