He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
