happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize