but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
