Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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