you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
