He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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