i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
