There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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