you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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