Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
