Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
