Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
