I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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