is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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