don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
