my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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