maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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