I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
