i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
as a side note pls kill me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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