I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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