I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
