So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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