The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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