You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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