I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
