Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize