She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
