I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
