before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
