I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
