Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
