I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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