Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
