No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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