I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
