were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
