epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
