im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
