I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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