oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
