drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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