hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
vagina is talking i cant
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
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