I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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