is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
