I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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