"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
