Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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