We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
