Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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