I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
