Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
