Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dignity is for republicans.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
