I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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