; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
