she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
