Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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