You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
