Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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