literally had 100 drinks last night.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
