I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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