he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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