paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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