Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
