i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
