Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
