we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
