I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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