I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
