Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
