yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
