We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
