from now on my penis is your penis
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
