Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
