my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
