just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
