I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
